Pay Dirt!

Well, after 54 days of hunting, after several missed opportunities, and after my wife started praying that I would finally get a deer so that we can get on with our lives, (and save all that money on counseling, lawyers, etc.) it finally happened. Here's the story.

I was in the stand (closest to the river) before sun up this morning. It was cold and calm. Didn't see a thing outside of squirrels and chipmunks for the first couple of hours. And then I glance back to the feeder (close to my other stand and the fort - which is a tree house for the kids that gets commandeered each fall) and I see about 5 deer milling around. So, I flip around in the stand to get ready for a shot and wait. After about 15 minutes a small doe walks past me at about 50 yards, but she is really little and I decide to hold off and see if a bigger deer might follow. Another 20 minutes goes by - nothing. I am now watching a lone deer still at the feeder, and she looks like the biggest one of the bunch.

After a few more minutes I see two toms (male turkey for the uninitiated) making their way to the feeder. They strut on over like they own the place and guess what? They chase the doe away from the feeder and towards me. She only comes as close as 75 yards or so, but she offers me a good shot and I take it. I can see right away that she's been hit, but to be sure I fire off another shell as she runs toward the river. At this moment I am cautiously optimistic.

I wait about 20 minutes or so and start tracking her. There is a good trail and I can see she is heading toward the river. As I come up to the bank I hear some noise and look across - and there she is standing on the other side. I position myself for another shot (my last shell) and she goes down. But now I've got a problem: how am I going to get to her? The river is high and the current moving pretty good. So, I decide to ask my neighbor for help and the use of his canoe. About 45 minutes later we come paddling down the river, me and our 14 year old neighbor. I have my shotgun with 2 more shells just in case. We go to where I last saw the deer - and she's gone. (This is when I started feeling like my entire hunting season has been secretly taped and being made into one of these reality TV shows. I can just hear the voice-over "and now let's see how Tom reacts when he can't find the deer. Will there be more tears? Will he throw his shotgun into the river? Will he forsake hunting for a calmer, gentler sport such as lawn bowling?"

Well, I get out of the canoe and follow the trail on the other side. And guess where it leads? Yep, you guessed it - right back into the river! Now I am in real trouble. The river is murky and deep and I can't see 6" below the surface. I didn't even know where to begin... So, we get back in the canoe and I am going to take my neighbor home when something catches my eye. There's a funny looking rock about 100' downstream, and we decide to check it out. But that's no rock, that's my deer! She crawled back into the river and floated downstream into a snag. I was so happy to shoot, and then actually locate a deer.

But now I've got another problem: how am I and my 14 year-old neighbor going to haul this deer (which we now see is a big deer) into our canoe? My first idea was to tie a rope around her and tow her upstream. Gong! Bad idea - we end up doing a weird version of the canoe-treadmill and get nowhere. My next idea is to take her to the bank and toss her into the canoe. And this we did with much difficulty and some very soggy socks, pants, underwear, cell phone and (well, you get the idea). Once we got her into the canoe she was sprawled out on top of the front seat (which in all of the excitement I thought was the back of the canoe). So, I climb in, and having nowhere else to sit I end up sitting on top of the deer. We then begin paddling upstream with the canoe oriented backwards, and end up going helter-skelter all over the place. What a sight we must have been! You talk about some red neck exploits! My ancestors would have been so proud. (There has to be a joke in here somewhere for Jeff Foxworthy, don't you think?)

Well, in the end we manage to get her back to the house, I manage to get dried off, and I can finally exhale. I tell you - nothing has come easy for me this hunting season, but I finally have something to show for it!